I was at a bluegrass festival a few years ago. As is common at these events, there were bands scheduled on the main stage all day. At the same time, informal break-out sessions occurred all around the property. I wandered outside to sit under a shade tree and listen to the circle of musicians sitting on folding chairs in the yard playing a fast-paced reel.
I’ve never participated in a jam session but as I understand the etiquette, anyone from any level of ability is welcomed to join. This is the beauty of bluegrass. Kids learn by doing alongside the adults. An elderly gentleman was escorted to the musical circle on the arm of the lead guitarist’s wife. She introduced him around the circle and explained that he wanted to join in and play his spoons. He wasn’t on beat or particularly skilled. But he was having a great time. He just wanted to be included in the circle and play along.
The etiquette of the musician’s circle demanded that he be allowed to play his spoons with the group. But I watched after the first song as, one by one, each of the other musicians in the group made their excuses to leave the circle. They left the old spoon player sitting alone in a circle of chairs with the guitarist’s wife. I found them a few minutes later all assembled and playing music together in an anti-room of the building. I felt bad for that old spoon player.
Many of us spend our whole lives afraid of being the old spoon player, wanting so much to be included in the circle but not meeting the standard of the group. As human beings, we are predisposed with a need to belong, to fit in, to have community with others. At the same time, we are also predisposed to carefully choose who we allow into our community. We have the power to include or to exclude and we guard that power carefully.
The idea of community is a popular buzz word in many churches. Yet, the struggle to find community can be as prevalent in the church as it is in a high school home room. This is largely because we learned the concept of community in high school and then carried that same concept into the church with us on Sunday morning. We walk in the door of the church hoping that the cool kids will find us acceptable enough to include us in their circle. We carry offers of community around in shot glasses, one swallow at a time, and share it only after carefully measured selection. Because we have learned that community is selective and based on gender, race, age, perceived relevance and popularity, and ideology, we have learned to offer community selectively based on the same criteria.
On the church leadership level, community is encouraged through small groups, bible studies, and serve opportunities. But to the person without community, this feels like playing the odds. If you try one group and don’t find community, you’re encouraged to keep trying groups until you find one that fits. This approach will work for a percentage of the congregation, but not for all. If I don’t know what healthy community looks like or if I don’t believe that it exists, how hard will I look for it and how many chances will I take? It’s like being told vaguely to go north into some woods to find the magical, mystical Bigfoot and elusive unicorn. Good luck with that.
Perhaps the search for community feels like a hunt for a mythical creature because of a misunderstanding of the nature of true community in the spiritual sense and the false expectations that ensue. Looking for the same acceptance and friendship dynamic that we hoped for in high school and other social settings will create a disappointing experience in the church. Eventually, someone in the church will look at or treat you like you are an old man playing spoons.
There are several important things to remember about genuine Christian community.
First, Jesus is the head of the body. My acceptance into His community is not determined by or affected by the opinions and acceptance of the people in the church building. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians provides great thoughts about the whole body being held together by Christ (see Ephesians 4). People that attend church can do nothing to affect my secure position in the body.
“Instead, by truth spoken in love, we are to grow in every way into Him—the Anointed One, the head. He joins and holds together the whole body with its ligaments providing the support needed so each part works to its proper design to form a healthy, growing, and mature body that builds itself up in love.” Ephesians 4: 15-16 The Voice
When people gather to worship the Lord, Jesus is lifted up and everyone else is humbled. In His presence, there is no rich or poor, race, ethnicity, high or low position, privileged, essential or non-essential person. God has no favorites (Rom 2:11).
Secondly, true community exists in the Spirit of God. On any given Sunday, people enter the church building in various spiritual states. Some are seeking, some are Spirit-filled, some are going through the motions. For people living in the Spirit, fellowship in the Spirit happens when we choose to share our faith and lives with another. As Luke wrote in Acts, the first believers “devoted themselves to the apostle’s teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer” (Acts 2:42 NIV). God’s grace was “so powerfully at work in them all” that they shared freely and generously (Acts 4:34). Genuine community is an overflow of the Holy Spirit’s activity in the lives of the members who make up the body. Worshiping together, praying with one another, and giving graciously and generously are hallmarks of Christian community.
For those seeking genuine community, the search for community starts by offering community to others and being sensitive to the Spirit’s leading. Community isn’t something that is scheduled on a calendar and offered with a guarantee of desired results. Community among believers happens when the Spirit moves and operates freely among members and becomes the expression of the Lord’s presence among us.
In the community of God’s Spirit, old men who play spoons are received, loved, and accepted the same as everyone else.
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