Many of us struggle against that negative voice in our head that tells us we are not enough. We are not adequate for a relationship, a job, an achievement, or a successful venture. That voice in our head is a constant accusation that shadows us everywhere we go, telling us that who we are and what we have is not enough. We are unacceptable. A recent read through the Gospel of John reminded me that this struggle is not new. It is common to human beings from every age. It even affected the people closest to Jesus. In John 6, Jesus sees a multitude of people coming to listen to him talk and see a miracle performed. Wanting to challenge his disciples to grow in faith, Jesus asks Philip, one of his disciples, how they will feed such a large crowd (John 6:5). Five thousand men, plus their wives and children, would be an enormous task, even for the modern Salvation Army. Philip replies that it would take half a year’s wages for everyone to even have one bite (v. 7). We can’t do it. We don’t have enough. What we have is impossibly inadequate. Another disciple, Andrew, finds a boy with his family’s dinner which consisted of five small loaves of bread and two small fish. Andrew points out that the loaves and fish wouldn’t make a dent in the large crowd of hungry people. We can’t do it. We don’t have enough. What we have is impossibly inadequate. At this point in the story, Jesus does something interesting. Jesus picked up the five small loaves and two small fish and gave thanks (v. 11). Philip called the task impossible. Jesus gave thanks for what Philip couldn’t see. Andrew deemed their supply inadequate. Jesus gave thanks for the offering that Andrew dismissed. God created the grain and made the fish. God provided a family willing to give up their meal. For all of these things, Jesus gave thanks. In spite of the large crowd waiting for something to eat, Jesus gave thanks for what he held in his hands. And everyone ate their fill. “So they gathered them (the left overs) and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten” (v. 13). When I place all of who I am into the hands of Jesus as an offering, he doesn’t count my flaws, inadequacies, and imperfections. Jesus lifts my offering up and gives thanks to God for all that God has provided. When I think it’s impossible to be enough, Jesus gives thanks for what I can not see. When I think I am inadequate, Jesus gives thanks for what I have dismissed. As I take inventory of what God has given me in life such as income, health, opportunities, relationships, abilities, talents, etc., I realize that I often deem inadequate that which God has given. I wonder what Jesus could do if I placed the little that God has given me into his hands and prayed with faith and thanksgiving. Perhaps I wouldn’t have enough baskets to contain the leftovers! When my head tells me it is not enough, I will give thanks for what I hold in my hands. “Everything comes from the Lord. All things were made because of him and will return to him. Praise the Lord forever! Amen.” Romans 11:36.
Copyright @ TA Boland 2021
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