How Do We Find Community?

What does it mean for a follower of Jesus to find community? Is it a scheduled small group time or a shared set of beliefs? Is it hanging out with people with whom you share something in common?

A changing culture and lingering effects of the pandemic have left people struggling to connect and feel part of the body of Christ. These effects may be felt more strongly in the larger churches. But I suspect that the need for community is universal for everyone.

Maybe, for some, community is an idealistic notion from New Testament scriptures. The disciples gathered daily to pray and eat meals together (Acts 2:46-47). They all met in one place and shared generously with anyone in need (Acts 2:44-45).

Gathering together, serving others, and sharing are good signs of a healthy community. But are they the elements that make a gathered group a community?

A Society of Consumers

America is a society of consumers. We work to buy the things we need and want. Social media, movies and TV, and other forms of entertainment are structured around advertisements aimed at consumerism. Our consumer spending habits create the income that others desire.

When we walk into the church setting, we carry our consumer mindset with us. We treat church programs and ministries as something to be consumed, something to add value to our lives. Our expectation is to be provided with inspiration, knowledge for better living, and the opportunity to feel better about ourselves and our relationship with God. We walk into a gathering with the expectation of feeling valued and cared for. But if everyone in the gathering is a consumer of value and care, who is contributing the value and care? In many churches, the value, care, and ministry of the whole is provided by less than ten percent of the membership.

Catch phrases and slogans like “Do good. Repeat.” and “Be the good you want to see in the world” are popular motivators for people wanting to feel good about how they live their lives. Very often, the phrase “be the good” is understood in the same way as “do good”. We want to be the good in the world, so we go out into the world and do good things.

In an authentic community of believers, is doing good and being good the same thing?

Doing Good vs. Being Good

We’re all familiar with the argument that, in the spiritual life, what you do should flow from who you are. A good person will desire to do good things for others. But it isn’t that simple.

The Apostle Paul wrote to Timothy saying that some people “will have the appearance of godliness” but not be godly at all (2 Tim 3:5). Verses 1-4 list the attributes of people who do not love God: lovers of self, ungrateful, unloving are just a few of the attributes listed. Notice that these descriptions are not about actions. They are about the character of the heart- who the people are.

In contrast, in another letter, Peter wrote that as followers of Jesus, we should “be holy” just as God is holy (1 Peter 1:15-17). In his letter to the Galatians, Paul wrote that Christ followers should “bear the fruit of the Spirit”: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal 5:22-23). These are verbs of “being” and not “doing”. What we do should flow from who we are- Spirit-filled ambassadors for Jesus Christ.

What difference does it make?

Anyone can serve a hot meal to a hungry person. A Spirit-filled ambassador of Jesus might sit and share the meal or say a prayer or offer words of encouragement.

Anyone can donate money to a charitable organization. A Jesus follower might be led of the Spirit to pray for mission success or to find other ways to help.

Anyone can attend a church function, a small group, ministry, or service opportunity. Someone filled with the Spirit will see the person on their right and on their left as someone that Jesus bought with his blood. A Jesus follower will want to know if that person is doing OK in life. Do they need prayer, a word of encouragement, or just to know that someone cares that they showed up?

My Wake-Up Call

Recently, a friend and I were discussing the troubles of another friend whose spouse is sick. The question arose “Does the church have a ministry that would meet that need?”. It was like a lightning strike, and I understood.

I am the church.

We are the church.

It is not reasonable or realistic to expect the traditional church paradigm to have a formal ministry that meets the needs of every person at every moment in life in every situation.

If I see a need, I should do what I can to meet it. If I can’t do it alone, I should find someone else to help me. If you see a need, then meet a need. It will not work if ten percent of the membership is meeting the needs of the ninety percent. This only works when the whole assembly of individuals is meeting the needs that it encounters, taking the responsibility to make sure the people around them are valued and cared for.

Instead of giving our friend a list of phone numbers and ministries she should investigate to find support, we agreed that we would be a source of support. We will check on her, prayer for her, encourage her, and help in any tangible way that we can. We want to be the reason she senses the presence of God in a difficult time.

A Call to Action

What does all of this have to do with finding a community of believers to share life with?

When you and I walk into the church for a weekend service or Bible study or small group, one hundred percent of the people who walk in the door will not experience the care and welcome of authentic community if only ten percent of those who attend are offering authentic community. If we consume the benefits of community without contributing anything of ourselves to the community, someone misses out. Meanwhile, the ten percent are exhausted, trying to be good and do good for everyone.

How do we change this? How do we offer authentic community to others?

I’m not offering expert advice on the subject. I am struggling to learn this as I write about it. I can only make suggestions.

It might be ugly and awkward. It might not always go well. It’s going to be uncomfortable (for this introvert, anyway). Here’s a few of things I’ve decided to try in an attempt to be a source of authentic community for someone else.

1) Pray for someone. Jesus taught that I cannot bear fruit on my own (John 15:4-5). If love and kindness etc are fruits of the Holy Spirit, then I’m going to need lots of the Spirit in me. We also know that our prayers invite God to change the world around us. Whether or not I let someone know that I am praying for them, my prayers for them make a difference.

“Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved” (Acts 2:46-47).

2) Check on someone. You’d be surprised how many people walk in and out of a church setting and feel unseen and unknown. They may think that it doesn’t matter to anyone if they show up at all. I know our culture has been through a lot in recent years and it feels weird. It really is not creepy to say hello to people that you don’t know.

I’m going to commit to finding a way to let someone know it mattered that they showed up today. It could be something simple, like “Just checking in. How’s your week going?” or “I’m glad you’re here.”

On days when I’m not feeling particularly social, I can hang out in the lobby for a few minutes and say hi to people coming and going. Or I can make a point of interacting with the people sitting around me in the auditorium.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms” (1 Peter 4:8-9).

3) Encourage someone. This applies everywhere we go throughout the week. But because we are talking about community among fellow believers, it is extremely important to remember to be encouraging to those who gather at the house of God. We walk in the door to consume what we need and may inadvertently walk past someone who needs to be valued and cared for. They may be seeking God, doubting God, waiting to hear from God, or ready to give up. If I am mindful in the moment, I may be the encouragement that someone needs to go one more day, to try one more time, or keep seeking.

“Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up...” (1 Thes 5:11).

4) Don’t just do good. Be the good. I need to have the character and heart that shows someone else what God’s love is like. My words and caring presence have the power to make someone feel valued, cared for, and welcome.

My hope and prayer is to learn to offer the kind of community to others that let’s them know they are valued and cared for. By praying for someone, checking on someone, encouraging someone, and being the grace of God to them, may the Spirit of God use the opportunity to create genuine community around me. It is not someone else’s job. It is my responsibility to offer to others what I hope to receive for myself.

If you’d like to make a commitment to building community in the church by praying, checking in, encouraging, and being God’s grace, drop a note in the comments and I’ll pray for you too!

“Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers” (Galatians 6:10).

Image: Unsplash

Copyright @ TA Boland 2023